A Great Marriage: President Gordon and Margorie Hinckley
Choosing and Being the Right Spouse
You know there is wise and wonderful counsel on dating standards in For the Strength of Youth. Below you will find additional insights from prophets and apostles about whom, why, when, and how you should date. President Gordon B. Hinckley (–), “A Prophet’s Counsel and. See what dating advice church leaders are giving to LDS singles in these LDS talks on dating and marriage. General Conference Talks About dating.
Courtship is a time to discover who you and your partner really are—and how to nourish your relationship. Sitting near the end of a parade once, my family was thrilled to see President Ezra Taft Benson step out of a car that had just completed the parade route.
The Right Person
Taking his wife, Flora, by the hand, he assisted her out, and they walked arm in arm to a seat in the viewing stand. We were all inspired by their obvious love for each other. How did the Bensons develop their strong relationship?
The process started during their courtship. On the other hand, Scott and Pamela met a few months after Scott returned from his mission.
They were instantly attracted to each other. After a whirlwind courtship, they married in a beautiful temple ceremony. Soon Pamela was expecting their first child and quit her job due to poor health, which meant that Scott had to drop out of college and look for a full-time job.
As well suited to each other as the couple had felt they were, they felt overwhelmed by the stresses of married life, and their relationship began to deteriorate. Before entering the temple to be sealed, a man and a woman must build an inspired foundation of friendship and compatibility.
Dating and Courtship
Dating can help build this foundation; but unless participated in wisely, dating can also prove disastrous. Perhaps other individuals who are approaching—or already in the middle of—a marriage-oriented relationship could consider these ideas as well. Because courtship should continue throughout marriage, spouses too can benefit by seeking to strengthen and renew their friendships with their partners.
Choose Wisely - Secret Hookup!
A well-known maxim recommends longer courtships followed by shorter engagements. Building a strong premarital Lds General Conference Talks On Dating requires spending sufficient time with each other and finding opportunities for interaction. I know of couples who spent almost their entire engagement read article because of work or school.
Relationships and individuals change too quickly and too subtly to be monitored and influenced from afar. When I first dated my wife, Judy, I was preparing to leave for college within a month. I did leave, but I felt that our budding relationship was too promising to abandon—so I returned home to enroll in a local school and continue our courtship.
During our courtship, Judy and I spent little money on dates because we received our greatest enjoyment from conversation and simple activities. We attended Church meetings and activities together and sometimes shared our courtship time with friends or family members. Sometimes either one partner or both partners in a dating relationship begin to feel urgency to rush toward marriage before they know anything about each other.
A feeling of urgency early in a relationship can sometimes be a red flag. It does not necessarily mean that your partner is the wrong person, but it does signal a need to stand back and perhaps investigate other alternatives. We must not be in a hurry, acting on impulse and emotion alone.
Best friends who marry are likely to find joy and fulfillment together through all seasons of life. From the time of their courtships, such couples have learned how to give constant, conscious nourishment to their relationships. Courtship requires effort and creativity. Too often our modern world suggests expensive and elaborate dating activities.
This kind of growth best occurs during simple, wholesome activities. After one of his first dates with his future wife, David O. McKay, later President of the Church, wrote in his journal: Saw purple [mountains] at sunset. Told each other secrets. McKay, Salt Lake City: There is another challenge common to courtships: Besides being contrary to the commandments of God, physical intimacy before marriage also blocks the development of true friendship.
Even the early stages of physical expression of romance can eclipse the mental and spiritual aspects of a relationship and thus here its progress.
This part of love comes after friendship and marriage. Hafen has compared relationships between men and women to a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship, and the ascending layers include building blocks such as understanding, respect, and restraint. After all, choosing our marriage partner is one of the most vital, far-reaching decisions we make in our mortal lives. The Lord can help us make the right choice.
Through his Spirit, he will reveal the truth of a relationship to us as we allow sufficient time and exercise our faith.
Or, if misused, no suffering is more excruciating than that connected with love. Stories and Activities for Teaching Children. How did the Bensons develop their strong relationship?
Some people expect the Lord to provide a dramatic revelation about their eternal mate, but what usually happens is that as we drop our defenses and communicate with a potential spouse, we experience subtle, ongoing spiritual promptings about the relationship. Inspiration can come only when we are honest with ourselves, our potential mates, and the Lds General Conference Talks On Dating. When we first date somebody, we may try to mask our faults and make ourselves as appealing as possible.
To develop an honest relationship, however, we must move beyond superficial appearances and allow our true selves to emerge. Likewise, we need to be careful to avoid hero-worshipping a potential mate; we should not allow our hopes and expectations color the truth about him or her. When marriage is a possibility, dating partners should constantly assess how much real potential they have for harmony, conformity, and union.
Craig Horton, a marriage and family therapist in southern California, conducted an informal, unpublished survey among couples whose marriages had failed. What surprised Brother Horton was that virtually all participants reported having sensed these flaws or differences before marriage, yet they had relied upon romance and love to overcome them. The saying is true: Keep your eyes wide open during courtship and half-closed after the wedding.
We can know if a relationship is good by judging its fruits. Is the friendship deepening as the partners share and develop mutual interests, desires, goals, and values? I knew our marriage was right. Ever since, I have thanked Heavenly Father for my best friend.
I was doing the best I could to impress her, but I think she found me a little immature. I have to decide that my life is worth living now and find pockets of joy no matter what my circumstances are. A well-known maxim recommends longer courtships followed by shorter engagements. I fell in love with Harriet long before she fell in love with me.
Our friendship began during courtship and still continues to grow. Photography by Matthew Reier.